To My 12-Year-Old Self

Dear 12-year-old Bob,

So, you are still at St. Barnabas grade school and not quite a teenager. While you are still impressionable, now is the time to write to you. These are some words of wisdom from a much older and wiser Bob.

What’s important? What are my own simple rules of life? If you can be consistent in the following four areas of life, you’ll never have to worry about self-esteem or really anything at all:

• Be kind. It’s impossible to feel good about yourself when you’re mean, selfish or insensitive. How you deal with others has a mirror effect. It always reflects back to you. The better you treat others, the better you feel about yourself. The more you build and affirm people, the more you grow as a human being. Love God, your family and friends and be kind to others. Bring out the best in everyone, including yourself.
• Be honorable. I have yet to read about any connection between honesty and self-esteem. But I’m convinced that it’s an absolute essential. You could take every self-esteem course in existence, but if you’re dishonest you have no right to feel good about yourself. And I guarantee that you won’t. Integrity is the cornerstone of high self-esteem. As long as you have it, you’ll always be respected, by others and by yourself. Remember, honesty is still the best policy.

• Be productive. One of the seven deadly sins of the Middle Ages was sloth, which means idleness or laziness. Sometimes I call people who sit around and do nothing “slugs.” It’s pretty hard to feel good about yourself when you’re being a slug. Being productive – learning, planning, achieving – is what builds self-esteem. Remember, there’s no substitute for hard work. Have a passion to learn. The more you discover about life and the world, the more complete and fulfilled you’ll become. Make it a lifelong process.

• Be positive. You can’t feel good about yourself if your heart is full of negative thoughts. If you’re treating others with respect, being honest and achieving something with your life, then you need to give yourself credit. It’s healthy to develop a good attitude about yourself. Remember, attitude is a choice – the most important one you’ll ever make. Enjoy life. Remember that you need to play and have fun. And most of all, you need to laugh. Keep a positive attitude outlook on life, and always be thankful.

I promise myself every day to live by these four simple rules of life. Guess what? It works. And it keeps on working!

Ask yourself: who are your models, mentors, and spiritual guides? They might be teachers, co-workers, parents, relatives or individuals you only met once. It’s a terrific exercise to sit down and write out the list and the reason these individuals made your top ten. It will make you appreciate all of the good people in your life. Then think of the people that look up to you as their hero and guide. This is an affirming exercise to realize your importance, value and responsibility to others.

Ask yourself these four questions:

1. What are you going to do this month to make you a better person?
2. What are you going to do this month to make your home happier?
3. What are you going to do this month to make organizations you belong to better?
4. What are you going to do this month to help your community?

One of the unexplainable but true mysteries of life is that you never lose what you give. No one ever really begins to live until they find something big enough to give themselves to. The very best and biggest way you can invest your life is to give back to others who gave it to you. In that way you are sure to get more out of it.